searching for reassurance
through our interlocked fingers
as if I would find
all of love's answers
in this summer heat
***
Edited 7/22/2011 (perhaps this version is stronger):
as if I would find
all of love's answers
in this summer heat...
searching for reassurance
through our interlocked fingers
One More Glass Senryu
10 hours ago
This summer heat, indeed. I hope you find them.
ReplyDelete@CoyoteSings
The second one feels stronger. The center of the stone/poem is in those interlocked fingers-the heat, the summer the reassurance, love's answers all come down to those fingers interlocking.I love how all those abstract things come down to one very concrete thing. It's beautiful :)
ReplyDeleteI agree with Karuna. The first version is lovely, but the second much stronger fot all the reasons Karuna gives.
ReplyDeleteI enjoy seeing both versions- I think giving emphasis to the summer heat (by not putting at the end is a good idea-since summer heat can be oppressive)feels right... it then makes it feel like the interlocked fingers are that much stronger... xo teri
ReplyDelete